Category: Sex

Relationship Status?


image: jewlerywise.com

image: jewlerywise.com

It isn’t my relationship that redeemed me.

Some of us have been to terrible, dark places in our lives – paths we blame ourselves for journeying; so that if any man or woman should choose to love us, deep within us we believe there lies our redemption.

“She can be loved”

His proposal tells the world “she can be loved”, and having her by his side makes him ”desirable”. Is it partly because, although we say Christ has redeemed us, we continue to hold ourselves guilty of our past? This is certain, you will never be able to pay for the life you lived, and there is nothing you can do to change your past. But His blood is more powerful, more than capable of helping you to recover from those mistakes and healing your traumas. His blood calls you a new creation. Even if you were the worst of sinners, there is no darkness, no failure, no history that the blood of Jesus cannot overcome and wash away.

“…bought at a much greater price”

Do you long desperately for ”Mister right’‘? Well contrary to the world’s fairytale there is no knight in shining armour who can save you, because the truth is – we all need saving. Maybe you’re already in a relationship? Do you love it when people talk about your relationship? Does it give you a confidence in your self-worth, which you dare not carry alone? The truth is, no  relationship status, no ring can redeem you, because you were bought at a much greater price. Are you able to love and appreciate your worth, the unique value placed in you by God? Or are you still angry and still ashamed? I find I feel more confident since getting engaged, it’s like you carry a stamp on your left hand that says “you’re worth it” (like the L’Orèal ads). But the novelty will soon wear off and then what? Will you seek for the next thing to make you feel redeemed and cleared of your past?

“Woman where are thine accusers?”

Christ is before you asking you, “Woman where are thine accusers?” Think about the woman accused of adultery, even after the accusations ceased why did she remain there, stood before Jesus? Perhaps her greatest condemnation – the one that kept her where her accusers left her, was her own. What have you done wrong? How have you messed up? Whatever it is, I have news for you, you have been redeemed. You don’t have to justify God’s love towards you or His blessings in your life. There is no need to feel ashamed anymore, when the spotlight is on you. They don’t see who you used to be, they don’t see your past sins and struggles, they see God’s glory. They see YOU, redeemed and refined by Christ – because you are. Jesus took your shame to the cross, you have been redeemed and there is no catch, but believe that your redemption is in Christ.

Your redemption is not pegged on your relationship status. When it comes to the matters of your inner-self, your relationship status is irrelevant. Start addressing those memories that try to convince you that you haven’t changed. Read about Paul, he could have carried the shame and guilt of a notorious past, persecuting the church. He would have been justified to seek the approval of the people he was sent to share the Gospel with, but instead he allowed his identity and call in Christ to be the driving force of his life. You can too.

It isn’t my relationship that redeemed me. I was a wreck, and Christ saw me, broken, desperate and tired, and He carried me. Long before my Fiancé noticed me or even knew who I was, long before there was any proposal in sight, Christ began a work of redemption in me. So I encourage you today, to forgive yourself and forgive your past, and begin to learn about your redemption that is everlasting in Christ. As my Pastor often says – “your past is past”, and no man can, no man has redeemed you and no man will, but the living God.

May God help us to believe His unconditional love towards us, may He teach us step out of the shadows of our past and hand over every negative memory and guilt to Him, and may God teach us to truly love ourselves, in Jesus name amen.

Peace & Love

Teach me how to love

So for those of you who have yet to see my latest video  

I basically talk about my decision to study relationships in accordance to the will of God and to use Joshua Harris’ books: I Kissed Dating Goodbye (new edition 2003), Boy Meets Girl – say hello to courtship (2005), Sex Is Not The Problem (Lust Is) (2003)… to edify me on this journey.

Chapter 1 – So This Is Love? :

After reading the first chapter, I was slightly overwhelmed, partially with self pity and partially with guilt. It’s hard to accept that every relationship you’ve had with the opposite sex in relation to romance and otherwise has been one selfish act after the other, hurting you and the recipient. It occurred to me that I really did not understand what it meant to love, especially the opposite sex. I felt sorry for myself, because I felt this may have stemmed from the effects of an absent father figure. Then I felt guilty, for trying to put the blame on my circumstances, and almost making the same tragic mistake again. I don’t think its advisable for any woman or man to involve themselves in a romantic relationship before they learn what it means to love someone, with the love of God as the affection we aspire to connote. That doesn’t mean idolising, but perhaps sacrificing, what makes you feel good for what is best for them, or as Joshua Harris explains in I Kissed Dating Goodbye:

‘Every relationship for a Christian is an opportunity to love another person like God has loved us. To lay down our desires and do what’s in his or her best interest. To care for him or her even when there’s nothing in it for us. To want that person’s purity and holiness because it pleases God and protects him or her’ (2003, p.19)

I had quite an emotional response to this chapter because it hurt to admit that I wasn’t entirely sure how to love someone, as God loves me. All I knew is I hadn’t been applying God’s love to past relationships, romantic and otherwise, spent in tears, loneliness and desperation. So what decision did I take once I experienced this revelation? I prayed to God for forgiveness, for my lack of understanding and selfishness, I surrendered my heart to him and I asked him for guidance and support. I then spoke with my Pastor (which took some courage and humility) and asked for a mentor, to oversee my journey to learn how to be a single Christian, exercising the love of God in all my relationships.

Now I’m excited, because I know the best is yet to come, as I grow closer to God, I get further away from my past and life becomes just that little bit lighter. Of course I want to get married, I can’t stress, just how much I want to get married, but it isn’t the peak of life. To me marriage sounds like a ministry, a means of serving and glorifying God, it requires planning, preparation and God’s support. I look forward to experiencing it by the grace of God, but I know there’s a lot of planning and preparation necessary, if  God is to add a relationship and marriage to my testimony.

I pray that those who need to make a similar decision will join me on this journey, to discover how to walk in the love of God, I pray God will forgive us for our selfishness and lack of patience by his mercy, that he will descend upon us the enabling spirit to love as he loves us, to be patient, disciplined and diligent to his will for us in Jesus mighty name, amen. And I pray that he will provide us guidance and mentorship in Jesus name amen.

What 2 Watch: Ready or Not

Will you be ready or not?

This performance from P4CM poets Ezekiel and Janette..iks is by far one of the most moving spoken word performances I’ve seen to date (I’m a spoken word artist, so my perception maybe somewhat biased), with the risk of sounding over dramatic. I was deeply inspired, moved, edified by the performance and the lyrical content.

‘I’m trying to remember why I was created’ – How many of us have even asked God this question and genuinely desired an answer, or do we ponder on this questions of purpose as an excuse for not acting? We get so engulfed in trying to behave as Christian as “Christianly” perceivable that God’s purpose for us barely gets a mention. Sometimes the answer is just waiting for a faith-filled silence, on our part, to trust that God knows the desires of our heart and he won’t leave us wanting.

‘Weaving a little bit of his will with a whole lot of mine’ – the whole point of Christianity is complete and total surrenderance, not 20% and not 99%, but entire surrenderance to the will of God. The more we surrender to his will, the further forward we move.

‘My love is based and his love is based on how I feel’ – Too often we allow our emotions to delegate the choices we make, I’m angry right now so I’m going to eat my feelings, I’m lonely so I’ll go and see her – who will make me feel worse than I previously felt, I’m jealous so I’ll tell her secrets or point out his flaws. To be gentle (One of the fruits of the spirit) is the antithesis of losing control of one’s behaviour  because of one’s emotions or basing a decision on emotions alone, without asking or receiving instruction from God.

May God enable us to be patient in love, especially loving him and led by his guidance and not our desires in Jesus name amen. x

Spokenword Sunday – LOVE video

Video version of the love poem, let me know your responses guys x

Love is often misrepresented in our failed and disruptive relationships, there is only one true and consistent representation of love and this is revealed to us in God, in his sacrificing of his only Son in order to pay the debt for our sins – John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. – you may have heard this verse a few times, or read it just as often. But we should ask God to enlighten our spirits and teach our hearts just how great, powerful and enduring His love for us is,  and ask God to teach us how to truly love, that we may not try to receive it or demand it from men/boys and women/girls who are unable to offer God’s perfect love. Amen in Jesus name

May God bless you and meet you at your point of need in Jesus name amen. x

Spokenword Sunday – Love

he-loves-me-he-loves-me-not-1He loves me

He loves me not

He loves me

He loves me not so much that he can say those three words

But I know he must

Cah, the way he looks at me, could be mistaken for lust

But I see the truth in those lies and I hope one day to find the prize hidden in all these disappointments

I know I can make a difference,

I see so much potential in you, though you have no prospects

You talk down to me and I’m the one tryna bring you up to my level,

In my fairy-tale you’re the handsome, teary eyed guy in the suit that lifts my veil.

Actually, I’m pretty sure that I’m too good for you, and maybe I’ll just move on to your friend or two,

But I’m afraid things won’t work out with them,

And I might get paranoid and start thinking I was right when I said Its me and not you.

If you like it then you should have put a ring on it,but I’m dangerously in love and I’ll countdown till your love’s on top so we can be together till the end of time, don’t be the best thing I never had.

Seems like Beyonce’s just as confused as I am.

But God is not a God of confusion, so who is really the source of this vision?

The one I could have made up, I was so desperate for love.

The thirst has created a bunch of zombie wifeys

Weaved out, high heeled to breaking point and tired of celebrating valentines but no anniversaries

Saying no thank you to the bread of life and never-ending well of water spring

Yes please, I’ll have the heartbreak, abuse and unwanted pregnancies.

Sad but true that some people choose to play this game,

Single and ready to mingle, it’s a shame…

But he’ll change, I know he’ll change.

No surprise when things stay the same…

You should know that you’re worth more than rubies

A product of the creator’s design

You deserve more than empty apologies.

I pray as women of God, we seek the patience to wait,

Like Rebekah, Rachel , Hannah, Ruth

Whether He loves me or he love me not

I know one truth

God loves me more

Why wait?

Post’s foundation verses:-

‘Not only this, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering works perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope: and hope doesn’t disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.’ Romans 5:3-5 (WEB)

‘You shall not commit adultery’ Exodus 20:14  (WEB)

Loving closely from a Godly distance

About two months ago, I made the conscious decision to become celibate.

When I first decided to be celibate, it was a self-righteous decision I made so I could point the finger of judgement at all the sexually active people I knew. To make them feel guilty for giving in to the temptations of the flesh. Also it was initially a defense mechanism to deter boys who seemed to only want one thing. But once I realised the negative impact of premarital sex on my life, how it was almost like an addiction to be in a relationship and participate in sexual activities that angered God – I understood why it was one of the best decisions I ever made in my life so far. The first revelation I had about abstaining from sex before marriage, was the quite obvious fact that it was justified by the laws reinforced by Christ Jesus and made me feel closer to God.

When I first decided to be celibate, I was in a two-year relationship with someone I thought would be my husband one day, and the father of my children. We were living together, so you can imagine it was a very bold decision to make, to not have sex with someone I was sleeping next to every night. Looking back, I must have really angered God in the past, because I often read the bible before I went to sleep, but I would often end up falling into sexual sin at some point after that. Why didn’t he punish me? Maybe because he knew that soon I would make a final decision to stop, or maybe it was by Christ’s saving grace that I escaped the wrath of God. I realised that not having sex meant I had time to pray after reading my bible. To speak to God, and I remembered the lessons I had received from the chapters I read, and I was able to apply them more practically in my life.

From a Christian perspective premarital sex is considered “fornication” and disobedience against the commandments that God made known to Moses at Mount Sinai along with the Israelites and to the world through prophets, Jesus and his disciples.

‘You shall not commit adultery’ Exodus 20:14 WEB

According to Oxforddictionaries.com to “fornicate” (as it is often referred to in some churches), is to ‘have sexual intercourse with someone one is not married to’ . “Adultery” is described as voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not their spouse’ Oxforddictionaries.com. All in all God rebukes, prohibits, denounces sexual relations outside marriage and sexual relations with anyone other than your husband or wife. In order to comprehend what God was referring to in terms of my journey to complete celibacy, I searched my heart, I thought of all the things which I knew I could not blamelessly do before God, as he would perceive all the lust in my heart;

-Having sex

-Performing sexual acts

-Kissing

-Even hugging, holding hands

-Sexual  thoughts

So after two months of deciding to be celibate, I’ve been seriously tempted, I’ve felt incredibly lonely and at times I’ve behaved desperately, just for company and attention. What I failed to realise was that, the people I was pursuing, were not good for me and I wasn’t good for them. People I was trying to regain a relationship with, who I had lusted over in the past, still encouraged the sin in me, whether knowingly or unintentionally. But what God showed me in the end was that ‘in order to hear God, you must first listen and adhere to his laws’ – So when we say God, I’m tired of waiting, I want to share my life with someone else, I want you to tell me if he’s the one, or show me that you approve – search your heart, have you surrender to his will, have you been listening to him, have you been following his commandments? He is constantly talking to us, but its our choice to listen or not, to surrender or not, to wait or not.

Prepare for Battle

‘God’s word is alive and working and is sharper than a double-edged sword. It cuts all the way into us, where the soul and spirit are joined, to the center of our joints and bones. And it judges the thoughts and feelings in our hearts. Nothing in all the world can be hidden from God. Everything is clear and lies open before him, and to him we must explain the way we have lived.’ Hebrews 4:12 – 13 (WEB)

Have mercy on me Father,

For my flesh hungers for destruction,

Battle ah go between the spirit and the flesh

Today one wins, yesterday the other prevailed

Meaningless are the battles, so long as the war is God’s

Redeemer fight for me, because I fear I am too weak

I ask and plead for strength

Because this loneliness is one never experienced before

And my flesh cries out in desolation

My spirit whimpers,  as I lust and want

Not as wanting itself would want

What paradox am I, what contradiction

That God the creator of love’s love should not be enough?

So I wipe away my tears again

I repent again

And I prepare for battle again, because so long as we are on this earth,

The flesh will persist in trying

So the spirit likewise must not surrender

Pray watchfully , do not sleep

Only to wake up in sin.

I’ll take your slander in my stride

I won’t crumble inside

No, there won’t be shrapnel for you to keep a souvenir

And I was a fool in lust

I will be humble in love

How sweet was the bitter tasting sin?

A snare misconstrued for a smile

I’ll just go home this time

No, when you return I won’t be nervously waiting

No soldier waits idly for battle,

No man waits for death

I’m putting on my armour,

How will I die when I serve the living word?